


Peter & the Unicorn

by impravidus



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Precious Peter Parker, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29271978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impravidus/pseuds/impravidus
Summary: “Darn. Baby horses usually drink their mother’s milk. What do you…”Peter freezes as he sees the horse standing on the kitchen counter eating the fruit out of the fruit bowl.“Huh,” Peter says. “I guess you’re not as baby as I thought you were.”Peter finds a unicorn on patrol and takes it in.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51





	Peter & the Unicorn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hailingstars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hailingstars/gifts).



When ten ladies in full renaissance garb are meeting in the middle of Forest Park at 11:47PM on a Tuesday, you know something sketchy is going on.

Peter hadn’t even meant to stumble upon their sketchiness. He was just checking in on the family of fat racoons that he met in the dumpster he was rummaging through for treasures.

The raccoons found some treasures too and were munching on an almost empty jar of peanut butter. But, Peter must’ve spooked them, because they booked it when he opened the dumpster.

Of course, he had to follow them, and that’s how he got here! In Forest Park.

They have their own little house inside a hollow tree. And, right before his curfew is up, Peter goes to visit them.

They’ve been warming up to him. It’s totally worth it.

Today he had found them all curled up, munching on an apple they must’ve stolen from someone’s groceries.

Peter squats slowly at the opening of their trunk. “Hi, buddies. Guess what I’ve got for you?”

The raccoons tilt their heads curiously.

“Hot dogs!” Peter says excitedly. “I ate the bun because I don’t think all those carbs are good for you. But you need some protein. Isn’t that right?”

The raccoons chitter and chirp at him, making grabby motions with their tiny little hands.

“Here you go, buddies. Don’t eat ‘em too fast.” Peter tosses it into their trunk house and they eat them in their usual impatient, ravenous way.

Peter goes to pet the mama raccoon on the head, but she bites him.

“I love you too, Jeanette. Have a good night!” 

Peter is about to leave when he spots them.

The ladies in full renaissance garb.

They all stand in a circle holding hands surrounded by candles which, like, has  _ got _ to be a fire hazard. You’re on grass, ma’ams. That’s not safe.

They’re mumbling a chant that Peter doesn’t recognize and there’s this glowy orb forming in the center of their circle.

“Holy guacamole. That can’t be good,” Peter says.

He sneaks over to see more, but is sent back by a burst of energy. 

All the ladies head’s snap towards him. Their eyes are glowing, like the glowy orb, and oh  _ boy _ is that freaky.

The ladies start chanting faster and louder, swinging their arms up.

The ground starts rumbling beneath Peter.

He wants to stop them, but he isn’t sure what will happen if he does.

He watches with horror as the glowy orb grows and grows.

The ground shakes even harder and if Peter wasn’t adhering himself to the grass, he might fall over.

Suddenly, there’s a burst of energy, a surge of brightness, and an almost wind chime noise before the ladies are flung far away leaving Peter alone.

Or not alone!

Where the glowy orb once was is a figure of a small animal.

Tentatively, Peter tiptoes to the animal, and his eyes go wide.

“Woah.” Peter’s heart swells.

It’s a little baby horse!

It’s a pure white pony, its coat shimmering with glitter (probably residual magic glowy orb stuff) and its mane is a fluffy white to match.

“Wowo wow wow  _ wow! You are just the cutest thing in the whole wide universe!” _

The little baby horse looks at Peter with wide eyes. They’re an almost ethereal bright electric blue.

“Hi, there,” Peter says. He holds out his hand to the little baby horse to which it leans into his touch. He pets it gently and marvels in its impossibly soft coat.

“Wow. You’re super soft.” Peter smiles. “We gotta get you outta here, little dude. The magic ladies are gonna want you back and I don’t know what they want with you, but I don’t want them to hurt you.”

Peter weighs his options.

May is staying at Happy’s for the night after their date night, so he has until tomorrow afternoon to figure out what he’s gonna do. So, May isn’t in the apartment. But his apartment doesn’t allow pets.

But he’s _ Spider-Man!  _ He can’t just  _ not  _ help this little baby horse. One that evil magic ladies want for some reason.

It’s a no brainer.

Peter is taking it home.

“Do you trust me, little dude?” Peter asks.

The little baby horse neighs in response.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Peter scoops it into his arms and runs out of the park, thankful that his apartment isn’t far. 

Somehow, working on pure adrenaline and determination, him and his new friend make it to the fire escape outside his bedroom.

It takes some creative maneuvering, but Peter gets it into his room.

It looks at him with a tilted head.

“What should I call you?” Peter asks. A lightbulb goes off in his mind. “Mashed Potatoes! That’s your name. Mashed Potatoes.”

“Now, I may not be a horse expert, but I’m pretty sure you’re a girl. Are you a girl, Mashed Potatoes?”

Mashed Potatoes snorts in response.

“I’ll take that as a yes. And, I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty hungry. Do you want to grab a bite?”

Mashed Potatoes whinnies, hooves lifting off the ground excitedly.

“Okay. I gotta figure out what baby horses have to eat, so give me a second.”

Peter pulls out his phone and frowns. “Darn. Baby horses usually drink their mother’s milk. What do you…”

Peter freezes as he sees Mashed Potatoes standing on the kitchen counter eating the fruit out of the fruit bowl.

“Huh,” Peter says. “I guess you’re not as baby as I thought you were.”

Mashed Potatoes lies down on the kitchen counter, pressing her face into the cold granite as she makes a groaning noise.

“What’s wrong?” Peter asks, rushing to her.

When she lifts her head, there’s something popping out from her forehead.

“Woah,” Peter breathes. “What’s that?”

He goes to touch it but she recoils back.

“Sorry! Sorry, I won’t touch it.”

Peter watches in wonder as the nub stretches and grows into a point.

“Wait,” Peter gasps. “You’re not a normal baby horse! You’re a  _ unicorn!” _

Mashed Potatoes headbutts Peter’s stomach and pokes him with her horn.

“Ouch! Don’t do that! That hurts.”

She does what he can only interpret as a laugh.

“Oh yeah, so funny.” 

She rolls on her back and lies on the counter.

“I’m gonna have to disinfect that. You realize that, right? You’re giving me extra chores.”

She gives him a look that’s so sweet that he can’t help but let his heart melt and forgive her.

“Okay, fine. You own my heart.”

He runs his hand up and down her back and she sighs in response.

“I’m gonna go get ready for bed, okay, Mashed Potatoes? I’ll be right back.”

She neighs softly.

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

Peter hesitantly goes to take a shower and winces as he sees the grazes on his stomach and bruises littering his ribs.

“That’s gonna sting,” he mutters to himself.

Something brushes the back of his thighs and Peter yelps.

“Mashed Potatoes! You can’t just sneak up on a guy like that,” Peter scolds.

Mashed Potatoes presses her cold nose to his stomach that is scabbing over.

“Yeah. I got hurt,” Peter tells her.

She bows her head and her horn begins to glow.

There’s a tingly feeling in his torso and Peter looks down to see that its completely healed.

“Woah. You did that?”

Mashed Potatoes neighs proudly.

“That’s pretty cool,” Peter says. “But I’ve gotta take a shower now and you can’t come in with me.”

Mashed Potatoes huffs. 

“I’m sorry, sweetie, but there’s just not enough room for the both of us, and you’d clog the drains.”

Mashed Potatoes glares at him.

“No. Don’t give me that look.”

Mashed Potatoes glare intensifies.

Peter sighs. “Fine! I won’t take a shower! But when I stink tomorrow morning, that’s  _ your _ fault.”

Peter trudges to his bedroom, now only in a pair of sweaty boxers.

“Do you need somewhere comfy to sleep? I can put some blankets on the…”

Mashed Potatoes jumps onto his bed and curls up at the end of his bed.

“Or… you can just sleep there. Okay.”

Peter climbs into bed and Mashed Potatoes nuzzles her head in between his ankles.

“You comfy?”

She sighs happily in response.

“Good night, Mashed Potatoes.”

The next morning, Peter awakes slowly. Blearily blinking away the remnants of his dreams, he glances to the head of the bed. He shoots up.

“Mashed Potatoes?!” He calls out.

Peter jumps out of bed and searches the apartment.

She’s not hiding in his laundry. She’s not in the stack of blankets. She’s not under any beds. She’s gone.

All of the fruit in the fruit bowl are also gone.

Dread pooling deep in his stomach, Peter slips on his Spider-Man suit and goes to search for Mashed Potatoes.

He doesn’t quite know where to search for a baby unicorn but it took him far too long to realize he should look back in the Forest Park. 

She lies in the scorched grass where she was created, surrounded by the magic ladies.

“Hey!” Peter shouts. “Get away from her.”

They all turn to him, eyes dark and narrowed.

“Don’t you hurt her,” Peter warns.

The magic ladies flutter their fingers as they chant at Peter.

He feels as his body is suddenly trapped by an invisible force. His wiggling is futile and he realizes he is completely stuck.

But then, Mashed Potatoes appears at his feet!

She growls at the magic ladies and points her horn at them and they suddenly disappear.

“Woah! Woah! Mashed Potatoes! No obliteration or any kind of annihilation.”

She huffs.

_ “Mashed Potatoes,” _ he says sternly. “Bring them  _ back.” _

With hesitance, the magic ladies pop back in existence.

They stagger. 

“It sent us to a pocket dimension!” one of the magic ladies screech.

“Why did you make her?” Peter questions.

“Unicorn blood is required for the ritual to make Brad rise.” Another magic lady says.

“Brad?” Peter questions.

“Bradloynxish the Feverous and All Knowing!” The third magic lady says. 

“Yeah, I see why you say Brad,” Peter says.

“You cannot stop us, Spider-Man," the second magic lady says.

“Uh, actually I can? And if I can’t, Mashed Potatoes totally can.”

Mashed Potatoes tilts her horn back at them.

They all scamper back.

“Why do you even want to summon this Brad dude?” Peter asks.

“For him to grace us with his all knowing knowledge!” The fourth magic lady says.

“Which is?” Peter questions.

“Well… we don’t know,” the fifth magic lady says.

“You don’t know?” Peter asks.

“The knowledge Brad bestows upon you is for your ears only. You cannot share his knowledgeable knowledge,” the sixth magic lady says.

“Yes! But you can build and learn from it,” magic lady seven says.

Peter’s brows furrow. “But like… how do you even know if his knowledge is good? If no one can talk about how good his knowledge is?”

The magic ladies ponder the thought.

“And I mean,” Peter says, “you guys are pretty knowledgeable already. You summoned a real life, actual unicorn! If anything, I think you’d be better off on your own.”

The magic ladies nod in agreement.

“So like," Peter continues, "instead of slaughtering an innocent unicorn that  _ you  _ created, why not, like, nurture her and make her an ally and protector?”

Mashed Potatoes looks up at Peter.

“Nurture her?” magic lady eight asks.

“Yeah! Take care of her. Help her grow up to be big and strong. Help her hone her powers. You know more about unicorns than I do. I’m sure you can help her out.”

Magic lady nine nods. “I see. The Spider-Man is correct. The unicorn can become a valuable asset.”

“And a valuable member of our family,” magic lady ten says.

“It has been decided,” magic lady nine says. “We will take the unicorn and care for her.”

“We have made it this far without the knowledge of Brad,” magic lady five says. “Perhaps we can become even more knowledgeable than he!”

“Thank you, Spider-Man,” magic lady one says. “You have opened our eyes and graced us with  _ your _ knowledgeable knowledge.”

“Uh, no problem,” Peter says awkwardly. “Can I just… can I say goodbye to Mashed Potatoes?”

“Of course,” magic lady seven says. 

They all step back to give them space.

Mashed Potatoes looks at Peter with wide eyes.

“Hey, girl,” Peter says softly. “These nice magic ladies are gonna take you with them.”

Mashed Potatoes whinnies sadly.

“I know. We had a good time together, but they know how to help you. They know what you need. They  _ can _ take care of you. They can raise you.” He pets her mane gently. “I had so much fun with you and I’m gonna miss you so, so, so much. And know,” Peter chokes up slightly. “Know that I love you  _ so  _ much.”

Mashed Potatoes leans onto him, collapsing into his embrace. 

“You’re gonna have a good life, Mashed Potatoes. I promise.”

Mashed Potatoes neighs in a way that almost sounds like a sob.

Peter kisses her head. “Goodbye, Mashed Potatoes,” he whispers. 

She pulls away and looks at him with her big blue eyes and kisses his cheek. She trots over to the magic ladies and glances back to him.

“Come along, Mashed Potatoes,” magic lady eight says. 

“She is in safe hands, Spider-Man,” magic lady six says. 

“I’m glad,” Peter says, voice tight.

And with that, the magic ladies and Mashed Potatoes disappear in a flash of light.

As Peter makes it back to his apartment, he groans in realization.

“I’m gonna have to clean the kitchen counter.”

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote this in one sitting. 
> 
> If you want to chat, my Tumblr is [official-impravidus](https://official-impravidus.tumblr.com/)


End file.
